January 22, 2020

The Art of Life: Recognizing The Gifts of Grief

Above: Artistic inspiration from the amazing Ashley Longshore (thanks a million times over to my talented friend Danielle Krysa for having introduced me to her and to my hubs for the perfect Christmas gift), a pending art endeavor for the oh-so-cool Sketchbook Project (an incredible gift from my friend Elizabeth), champagne, and cake. Always cake!

So, yeah, my last post was a heavy one. Heavy but absolutely essential. Essential for me, sure, but everyone else, too, because we're all going to be here/there eventually. Now, while grief is utterly soul-shattering and hard, messy business, part of the journey in carrying grief is to start recognizing what it gifts you in the process. Lord knows, it can be hard to acknowledge and accept those gifts in some respects because it feels a little like diminishing the loss or, more important, the value of the love/s you've lost. But it also seems pretty reasonable that we wouldn't expect someone to wander endlessly through a desert and then deny themselves the comfort of an oasis if they were to come upon it, am I right? And I fear what would become of life to stay mired perpetually in the pain without trying to find the route back to joy.

January 08, 2020

Overboard & Adrift: On Life & Navigating Grief

Yeah, I'm here again. I know. It's been a long time, hasn't it? Let me tell you, it's felt even longer. But, at the same time, I also cannot believe how quickly that time seems to have flown? If you're here reading this... wow! Thank you. Thank you for hanging in there. If patience is a virtue, then sainthood may be awaiting you at this juncture. You've obviously stopped polishing your halo long enough to check in and I'm both amazed and profoundly appreciative. I'm feeling more than a little rusty at all of this, now, so we'll see how well I do. And I'll thank you in advance if this post darts and rambles. But, be prepared. A long absence has generated quite a long post in order to catch y'all up to speed. Buckle up.

Looking at my last post back in March of 2015, I was moving toward what would have been the one-year mark of my mother having to be placed in a memory care facility after her Alzheimer's diagnosis. It felt so surreal at that time. And that overall feeling hasn't stopped.

March 29, 2015

Comparison is the thief of joy? Yeah, but whose is getting stolen?

Oh! Hello there! What? You weren't expecting me? Well, what a nice surprise then, eh?

To say I’ve been stretched in a multitude of directions in the last several months is an understatement. We got married in October and our wedding came rushing upon us and papa was knee-deep in DIY. And when you’re in the midst of wedding projects and final details you need something to do with all of that "free time" you find yourself with, right? So, why not add a new full-time job to the list? Along with all of the legal matters concerning my mom. And, y’know, blogging. (Okay, maybe "blogging" is more accurate at the moment.) Oy. Veh. But somehow the balls still stayed in rotation [more or less] despite my inexperience at juggling on a professional circus level.

September 04, 2014

Amaretto & Red Currant Cake

Amaretto and Red Currant Cake from The Bedlam of Beefy http://thebedlamofbeefy.blogspot.com/2014/09/amaretto-red-currant-cake.html

For not really being a "food blog" I've certainly come to be known for my offerings of sweet treats. I think it's fair to say that I have a big love of baking and that love is something I got from both of my parents. My mom made some killer banana bread in her day and her cheesecakes were did-you-really-make-that perfection. My dad, while having his hands in every sort of cookery, will probably go down most notably for his dutch babies, cinnamon rolls, pies, and holiday fruitcakes (hey, don't knock 'em 'til you try 'em). God, I have such fond memories of the smells that emanated from that kitchen and all the love that went into those efforts. And that's why baking brings me so much joy. 

August 28, 2014

It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

Yes. I’m back. Yes. Again. I know, you may be wondering, “Doesn’t a blogger have to blog to be a blogger?” I would tend to agree. Have I really felt like blogging since my last post? Not especially. Have I wanted to let ‘The Bedlam’ go altogether? No. Not for a second. But in May the bottom dropped out of my life and I was rendered useless in the face of what I was confronting. I did my best to keep my other social media outlets going but blogging just became an impossible priority.

Some of you may recall that my mom had been dealing with, what we believed to be, Alzheimer’s symptoms for a while now. But try as we might to get her to seek medical attention, for any reason, she steadfastly refused. We watched as it slowly crept in here and there. It was enough to cause us concern and worry but not so much that we couldn’t deceive ourselves into believing that we had more time. Whatever that meant, anyway? And in May things went from blips on the radar to full blown alarm bells. We were confronted with the absolute reality that the force to be reckoned with that has been my mom, our own little Titanic, had indeed started sinking.