April 03, 2013

Spring Awakening


PHOTO BY UNCLE BEEFY

I'm guessing you're all a bit churro-ed out at this point, am I right? Hey, I don't blame you. It was something of a churros-fest for a bit around my house after that post and I can tell you that several items of my wardrobe had more than enough of churros, also. So if you need someone/something sympathetic to talk to I'll send you a pair of my pants.

Anyway, a lot happened shortly after that post. A root canal, a crown, a gum graft surgery, the dog needing knee surgery (cha-ching, cha-ching), more difficult moments with my mom, and then receiving the word from my, now former, employer that I was getting laid off. [What the...?! Thump!] What timing!!! There's no question that wishing for better timing played on rapid repeat in the immediate moment that I received that news. But what better timing? I mean, really? It's such a pointless consideration since the timing is what it is and wishing for reality to be other than what it is is pure crazy-making. Believe me, I'm an expert in this department. Would you like your straightjacket gift wrapped?

However, as luck/grace would have it, I slipped into a whole new approach this time around. Remember all that talk about surrender in this post? And this one? Well, I sure do! And I'm hoping the 3rd time is a charm and the universe can finally move on and get around to teaching me more about 'abundance' or 'employment'. In all seriousness, though, within moments of hearing the news that I'd be losing my job this feeling of complete calm came over me and I knew that this was all going to work out. No fainting couches necessary. No piñatas for the pending pity party. No faux-positive pep talks. Just an inner, confident stillness that I hadn't experienced before.

As the news spread, people seemed to expect two reactions from me - tears and/or anger. Anger was a big assumed reaction. But somewhere inside of me I knew that anger was as pointless as 'better timing' and it never even bubbled much less rose to the surface. Yes I was sad that 2.5 years of working with some great people was coming to an end but this also made me feel more grateful for the experience. Instead of being focused on what was being taken I was finally able to focus on the gratitude for what I'd been given. What a concept.

And if you question whether God has a sense of humor? Know that the day I got my layoff notice was the day after I had my gum graft surgery done. Why is that funny? Because I was completely unable to eat OR drink alcohol! What good is despair without cake or cocktails?!! This time there would be no stuffing down of emotions with the tines of a fork. No drowning of sorrows with a bottle of bubbles. Nope, kids, I was on my own in dealing with this cluster of whatnot. And what a difference that made. Because in staring this beast down directly I realized it wasn't nearly as vicious as I might have imagined. If this was my circus, this time I'd be the ringleader.

Now this isn't to say there haven't been blips of worry on the radar and it's only natural to expect that more of those moments may come. But, all in all, if any moment finally tested my ability to surrender then this had to be it. Hadn't it? Lord I hope so. Regardless, right now I'm just wanting to mark this occasion and really try to remember what a profound feeling of relief this new approach has given me versus the years of angst-ridden days and nights needlessly fighting against what simply was.

In some ways I wonder why it took so long. In some ways this all seems rather obvious now. But that's just hindsight talking. And looking back is pointless when you're finally looking forward.


p.s. - Hey, and while I'm here, if you know of anyone or anyplace looking for creative, artistic, social media savvy, hard workers or just for someone with model good looks and the potential to add a serious upgrade to the office snack pool please let me know. If you're on LinkedIn you can find out more about me via my profile. Thanks, kids!


14 comments:

  1. Fabulous post Bradford (as usual) & welcome back! I won't even start here with 'I am sorry…' etc. - instead: congratulations on embracing your life, the ups and downs, new concepts and opportunities. And all this at just the right time - when spring has sprung and everything is in blossom. Now if that isn't a wink of nature/God/fate… :-) Have a great day!!

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    1. Thanks so much, Igor! And, yes, you're right about happening when Spring has sprung and it's all about new beginnings! :)

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  2. Oh wow.....why does it always seem to pour when it rains? I am so sorry you have been through all of this stress, my friend. I am confident that THIS latest snag is going to be the turning point that you look back on and think "Huh, If I hadn't left that job, I would have NEVER pursued such and such or met so and so, or taken that gig that led to this other amazing thing!" You know what I mean? I know you do. I am gunning for you darling, Beef! Can't wait to see what lies in store for you hunnie! I will keep my eyes peeled for anything with your name on it!
    xoxo
    Melis

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    1. Thanks, Miss Melissa! It certainly has been an awful lot at once but, like I said, it was all enough to push me into a new mindset. It's rough change but it's really good change. I'm now open to just trusting the journey. Ahhhhh! Miss you, adore you! XOXO :)

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  3. Consider this a blessing in disguise :)

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  4. Mon Oncle, I was thinking of sending you a note just yesterday but I couldn't because I was out buying pants after eating a bushel of Churros!!! I'm really sorry to hear about your job ending, but I think your reaction to it this time and the feeling you have is a tremendous thing. I got sacked some years ago and I had the same peace at the time. AND, it turned out to be the best career thing that ever happened for me. You too, Mon Oncle! I can feel it. Onward and Upward! WITH drinks!!

    ML

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    1. New pants? Like the ones with the elastic waist that say "JUICY" on the backside? Yes! I love those, too! (Hardy, har, har!) See! Like your story, I just think this is all just opening up new and glorious possibilities for me. With drinks? I'll toast to THAT! (Well, now that I can, anyway.) Hope you're well, Mister!

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  5. Bradford,

    I remember the gum surgery!!

    And I just read this: *The cure of despair is not achieved by encouraging thoughts, not even by feeling part of the despair; it is achieved by the seeming paradox that despair can be overcome only if it has been fully experienced.” -Erich Fromm

    So indeed, perhaps it was God playing with the timing of events and forestalling all potential numbing.

    I'm Very glad you are looking at this as an opportunity... esp as I do believe the last time I saw you we spoke about you tending to some art....hmmm...

    Bon courage and luck in figuring out your next step. Highly encouraged: neglect the urge to pore over job posts and instead take the time to settle into yourself and figure out specifically what *you* really want! The second you know exactly, say the word and I'll certainly do what I can to help you find/realize/achieve it!

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    1. Hi Whitney!

      Love the quote! And if it was God playing with the timing of events then I'm totally pickin' up what He was thrown' down! I mean, really, it was masterful timing.

      Yeah, the art thing had fits and starts but now I'm taking over our entire living room and creating a creative workspace - now that I have the time! And I just participated in a block printing class last night to help get the juices flowing again. Onward and upward!

      I certainly gotten wrapped up in the job search frenzy but am settling down and structuring my time to make room for it without it dominating the hours. Definitely a lot of contemplation is and will be taking place. And I'll let you know the moment I could use some of your gracious assistance! Thanks for the supportive offer!

      How are YOU?! Hope that all is well in your world! xoxo :)


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  6. You are so in the right place with this. I too lost my job in November after a pretty satisfying 12 year stint. It felt good. The dude who fired me had proven that he completely lacks integrity and vision making me want to leave anyway. This way I got paid and could collect unemployment. Things truly do happen for a reason, your job is to figure out what it is. You have a greatness to offer the world that is singular. Find your bliss and you give back what you are meant to be giving. Check out the free newsletters here http://www.entheos.com/newsletters. I have nothing to do with these people, but the daily messages have been very meaningful on my journey.

    Good luck my friend and keep the awesome tude.

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    1. Holy cow bells, Lori!!! After *12 years*?!?!?! Glad that it felt good to you! That sounds like a much tougher pill to swallow. Fortunately, in my case, it really wasn't anything more that restructuring in a way that saw some positions get phased out including my own. But I'm happy for the time I had with some amazing people.

      I am definitely doing some soul searching and asking myself what am I supposed to learn from all of this (instead of asking, "Why me?"). I am also asking myself, "How can I serve?" A lot to ponder given my ping pong kinda brain! And I will definitely be checking out those newsletters! Thanks for the recommendation!

      Thanks so much for you continued support, Lori! xoxo

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  7. Oh my, I missed your spring awakening! I'm so sorry about your job B-and I know this is so cliche, but things DO happen for a reason. Someone will snatch up you and your amazing talent FAST if they know what's good for them. Hugs! xo

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    1. Thanks, Susan! Cliche or not, I believe things happen for a reason as well. We'll see what adventures await! XO :)

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