Spring Awakening

PHOTO BY UNCLE BEEFY

I'm guessing you're all a bit churro-ed out at this point, am I right? Hey, I don't blame you. It was something of a churros-fest for a bit around my house after that post and I can tell you that several items of my wardrobe had more than enough of churros, also. So if you need someone/something sympathetic to talk to I'll send you a pair of my pants.

Anyway, a lot happened shortly after that post. A root canal, a crown, a gum graft surgery, the dog needing knee surgery (cha-ching, cha-ching), more difficult moments with my mom, and then receiving the word from my, now former, employer that I was getting laid off. [What the...?! Thump!] What timing!!! There's no question that wishing for better timing played on rapid repeat in the immediate moment that I received that news. But what better timing? I mean, really? It's such a pointless consideration since the timing is what it is and wishing for reality to be other than what it is is pure crazy-making. Believe me, I'm an expert in this department. Would you like your straightjacket gift wrapped?

However, as luck/grace would have it, I slipped into a whole new approach this time around. Remember all that talk about surrender in this post? And this one? Well, I sure do! And I'm hoping the 3rd time is a charm and the universe can finally move on and get around to teaching me more about 'abundance' or 'employment'. In all seriousness, though, within moments of hearing the news that I'd be losing my job this feeling of complete calm came over me and I knew that this was all going to work out. No fainting couches necessary. No piñatas for the pending pity party. No faux-positive pep talks. Just an inner, confident stillness that I hadn't experienced before.

As the news spread, people seemed to expect two reactions from me - tears and/or anger. Anger was a big assumed reaction. But somewhere inside of me I knew that anger was as pointless as 'better timing' and it never even bubbled much less rose to the surface. Yes I was sad that 2.5 years of working with some great people was coming to an end but this also made me feel more grateful for the experience. Instead of being focused on what was being taken I was finally able to focus on the gratitude for what I'd been given. What a concept.

And if you question whether God has a sense of humor? Know that the day I got my layoff notice was the day after I had my gum graft surgery done. Why is that funny? Because I was completely unable to eat OR drink alcohol! What good is despair without cake or cocktails?!! This time there would be no stuffing down of emotions with the tines of a fork. No drowning of sorrows with a bottle of bubbles. Nope, kids, I was on my own in dealing with this cluster of whatnot. And what a difference that made. Because in staring this beast down directly I realized it wasn't nearly as vicious as I might have imagined. If this was my circus, this time I'd be the ringleader.

Now this isn't to say there haven't been blips of worry on the radar and it's only natural to expect that more of those moments may come. But, all in all, if any moment finally tested my ability to surrender then this had to be it. Hadn't it? Lord I hope so. Regardless, right now I'm just wanting to mark this occasion and really try to remember what a profound feeling of relief this new approach has given me versus the years of angst-ridden days and nights needlessly fighting against what simply was.

In some ways I wonder why it took so long. In some ways this all seems rather obvious now. But that's just hindsight talking. And looking back is pointless when you're finally looking forward.

p.s. - Hey, and while I'm here, if you know of anyone or anyplace looking for creative, artistic, social media savvy, hard workers or just for someone with model good looks and the potential to add a serious upgrade to the office snack pool please let me know. If you're on LinkedIn you can find out more about me via my profile. Thanks, kids!