November 10, 2008


Kids. This will likely be one of the most difficult, and yet heartfelt, posts that I will ever write here at the Bedlam. I would like it to be understood from the beginning that what is to follow is based on my own personal experiences and viewpoints and is in no way a reflection of the viewpoints shared by anyone linked to on this blog. Nor do I expect that my opinions are a blanket generalization necessarily shared or agreed to by a wider group. This is about me...plain and simple.

I have given much thought to this posting and its relevance here at the Bedlam and this has not been a reckless decision but a passionate one. This does not reflect an overall change to the tone or subjects that I will write about or feature but what I believe to be an important topic. I will most certainly return to my usual inspirations that more often pertain to inspirations as opposed to aggravations. But to not write about this subject simply did not feel like an option.

I have felt a personal shift since the election. It was an extraordinary moment that I feel privileged to have witnessed in my own lifetime. The reality is that we are now facing a larger shift in the world order to some extent and I pray that it is for the better. This is forward momentum. However, the results of certain other propositions and initiatives in parts of this country left me with a sense of disappointment and disturbance that I simply cannot afford to pass by in silence.

I indicated in my previous posting that I am not generally a private person. I have lived a life that has warranted levels of social maneuvering and masquerading that I often find the need to be discreet, secretive, or subdued difficult to swallow or stand by. That said, I also feel myself to be one that does his best to disclose or edit as is necessary by event or association. Essentially, I have made great attempts in my life to keep the comfort level. But not now. With the recent passing of various legislations in the states of California, Arizona, Florida, and Arkansas, I have felt a compulsory need to speak candidly in a way I have never felt before. What I am about to share with you is my story. And I can only hope that you will allow me the momentary grace to share it with you and that you will read it in its entirety. It won't be short but it won't be unimportant either...not to me anyway.

The fact is...I am a gay man. This is a revelation that I typically keep to myself not because of shame but rather as a means to be thought of in broader terms and not immediately relegated to only one aspect of what it is that comprises me as a human being on this planet. I have never been comfortable with the idea that my identity would be comprised solely based on who I happen to be attracted to sexually or, more important, drawn to love. But I have found a large part of my life being relegated to such categorizations by people outside of myself, both gay and straight. And, frankly, I am sick of it altogether.

Arkansas recently passed legislation barring anyone who is single or unwed from adopting or fostering children. While the theory of this law is applied to those general terms, the proponents of such legislation have been most public about their primary intent to prevent gays and lesbians from adopting or fostering in an effort to "protect the welfare of our children". As a person who has long felt the desire to be a father I find such ignorance and bigotry abhorrent at best. I personally have never felt inclined toward notions of surrogates or concepts of co-parenting as I feel these options may be more complicated for the children involved. I feel that there are plenty of children needing loving homes that would trump any need for my own genetic gratification. So adopting or fostering a child has always been what I've considered...and dreamed. I'm not interested in sharing my DNA as much as I am interested in sharing my heart. Period.

But there are those in this country who continually and insistently want to sum up every aspect of a vast and varied group into a singular deviant box. For them it is a concept based upon their perceptions of religious morality. And, in an effort to help shore up their belief systems, they latch onto and perpetuate stereotypes and falsehoods. They make every effort to put a face on a community that is as inhuman as humanly possible. That is why I am coming forward to put my face, an individual's face, on a situation that is more prone to generalization over personalization.


As a young child I tended to be quite shy. Few would believe it now but that was pretty much the case. Generally, things went pretty well for me as I was an excellent student and, based on my parents rearing, most respectful of my elders, teachers, and any type of authority. But at the age of 9...things in my life began to shift with the presence of a boy named Kelly. He would tease me while we waited for the bus calling me "faggot" repeatedly. I couldn't understand what precipitated these events and only knew that whatever a "faggot" wasn't good. Eventually, things started to move towards more physical confrontation and he'd push me around while relishing the mockery that came from his vile mouth. One day...I pushed back. But I was the one reprimanded for my behavior without any chance for explanation or retribution. This was the beginning of what would be a pattern of events that would last for close to the next 10 years.

After 4th grade my parents moved us out to the country thinking that this would add to our quality of life and education. They had no way of knowing that they had moved me into what would be tantamount to living hell. Fifth and sixth grade were no picnic for certain, but starting in 7th grade I began to experience treatment that would lead me to suicidal thoughts from the age of 12 years old and on. There were guys who began to mock me during P.E. (Physical Education) classes. The 8th graders who would threaten me with physical violence and hurl Chinese throwing stars at me in the hallways when all was clear. There was Cindy who would openly and repeatedly call me "Faaaaaaaaaaggg!" during math class without so much as an indifferent level of discipline on the part of the teacher. I did everything I could to become either less and less noticeable, retreating into myself as much as possible, or as much like the others to blend in...neither worked.

By Freshman year of high school I made great efforts to attend boarding schools overseas but seemed to continually get roadblocked by red tape and wound up in the local high school. The educational quality was great but sadly did not manage to develop any sort of intellect in a number of the student body. I had a free period for one hour every afternoon where I would go to the library to attempt to work on homework. However, for the duration of that entire first year in high school, I spent one hour of every single day being threatened and mocked by two comrades, Todd and Todd. Their names only hinted at their collective stupidity and didn't even touch upon their shared cruelty or sadism.

I would arrive home on the bus. Our house was located at the end of a very long driveway and I made the most of the walk to our front door. Often, I would wait for the bus to leave and any other kids to retreat into their homes before beginning my trek down to the house. As soon as I was alone I would begin to unleash the pent up emotions. I would walk down the gravel drive stumbling over uneven stones and unstoppable tears. But as soon as I reached the house I would quickly pull myself together and walk through the door as though nothing was wrong. What my parents did not know is that between Algebra homework and dinner I thought about suicide... a lot. I prayed to God even more.

Fortunately enough, one of the "Todds" left at the end of the year as he was a Senior and given that the other "Todd" was hot for my sister (who functioned on a different level of the social stratosphere) the intensity of my experiences waned a bit but certainly did not subside. For the next three years I found myself eating lunch in the art room as it was often the case that I would have food thrown at me in the cafeteria. Once, while walking across the campus, I had an apple thrown at my back with such force that the welt and the subsequent bruise would last for weeks. I would walk through the hallways being taunted with the usual "FAG!" or "fudgepacker" or "queer bait" and, not uncommonly, getting spat upon. I received an art award at an assembly in my Senior year but instead received infinitely more "faggot"-laced jeers than congratulations. But somehow, by someone's good graces, I made it through to graduation... barely.

So now high school was behind me. I was moving on to the beginnings of adulthood and a new experience on life and off to college...on the other side of the continent! I ensconced myself in a quaint college town in Eastern Canada. What a relief this was...for a moment. Within two weeks, the dormitory house I lived in had been planning our big day of initiation with a house party to follow. I engaged whole-heartedly into the spirit of the occasion even agreeing to volunteer as bachelor #2 in a party version of "The Dating Game". The day found me being doused in ice water, crawling through a swamp, and getting hosed down publicly in underpants. Not exactly my idea of a good time but I loved finally feeling part of the group. We prepared for the party setting up a stage in the student lounge, getting bottles and kegs rared up and ready to go, and praying that our livers would see us to another day.

"Knock, knock, knock!" I opened the door to my dorm room being told that they were ready for the bachelors to come out for "The Dating Game". I lined up with the other two guys outside the door to the lounge while we waited for our cue. One by one, we were brought in and up to the stage. Within a few minutes, this game went from fun to frightening as I became more aware that this was the beginnings of a "witch burning"...and I was the witch. It escalated from individually shouted cruelties to an entire room of perhaps 150 or more people chanting, "QUEER! QUEER! QUEER!" It was more than I could handle.

I finally launched from the stage, pushing through the crowd and their laughter, and out the door. I made my way to the cathedral where I denounced God at the top of my lungs not understanding what I could have possibly done to have warranted His abandonment. Then I told Him that if this was the life He had intended for me...I would be the one to take it! I made my way toward a bridge in town. There had been serious rainstorms recently and the river was over-flowing and turbulent. With the number of fallen trees and branches in the water I felt certain that it would take little time or effort to be caught up in the current and off to wherever it was God wished to send my soul. But I knew it was unlikely to be worse than where I already was.

As I walked onto the bridge I heard voices from behind. A couple of guys from "the party" had followed me. They asked me what I was doing by myself and that I should come out with them and grab some more beers. I quietly refused wishing them on their way. But "no" was an answer they weren't taking and they inevitably lured me away from what I intended to be my own funeral. What I later realized is that they knew. That they had followed me out through those dormitory doors, heard my tirade in the church, and waited. They waited to spare me the embarrassment of my own emotions and drag me away from my own despair. Two strangers from Newfoundland would be the first to ever throw me a life line. That night, I believe, is when God showed me that I hadn't been abandoned by Him but rather by those who would speak in His name. And, as far as I am concerned, He sent me two guardian angels by the names of Harold and Corey. And I will forever thank them and Him for their intervention.

From that moment on my outlook on life had changed. It was "sink or swim" and I was determined to learn the backstroke! I still continued serious moments of ups and downs but spent much less time suppressing myself. The next two years at that college would find me move from "odd man out" to being the "odd man in" on campus as I strove to stand in my own truth. Ironically enough, I would form some great friendships with those who initially mocked me. It would be years later before I found the courage to come forward and "out" but that is where the foundation began to be built.

I would return to the Pacific Northwest of the U.S. to finish college. I began by entering the Women's Studies program with my newly-found friend Sarah. I spent time coming to understand in greater detail all the ways that many had historically suffered under the restraints and restrictions put upon them because of their gender, their race, and/or their orientation. Having gone through my own experiences, it only further developed my empathy and my compassion for all people. I came to understand the richness and complexities of being part of a world community. It deepened my understanding of how uncomfortable it is to have to be conformed into someone else's discomfort. It taught me the value that being myself didn't require that others had to be just like me but rather to be themselves as well.

So here we are, years later, the 21st century. Steps have been taken forward and, sadly, steps have been taken back. But I stand here with my own history and the story that I bring to the American table. And I am sharing it. I am not forcing it and I am not delivering it with the expectation that others have to follow it or change their personal lives for it. I am not giving it as propaganda or to support some fictional "agenda" nor am I giving it as a means to convince you to be like me but to understand the preciousness of being able to be oneself.

So to those in California, Arizona, Florida and Arkansas... I am not asking you to recognize my life and beliefs by summarily rejecting and denouncing your own. I am not telling you to deny yourself the right to visit your beloved in the hospital or, in the event of death, to allow your possessions to be absconded by your partner's family with no legal recourse whatsoever. I am not on an "agenda" to do anything to a child other than to let them know that they are important and loved no matter who he or she is or turns out to be ~ I don't want to cultivate a "gay" child, I want to cultivate a kind and happy one. Most important, I am not asking you to be like me. But I will not be like you either. I will always strive to be myself and no amount of legislation will ever prevent that because you do not ultimately write my story...I do.


The following is from a book I wrote based on
some of the aforementioned circumstances.

Bitterness is a strange fruit.
The less you like it

the more you eat.
But it's the meal of a misfit.

A heaping portion of self-pity & cynicism
and there's always seconds.

A man but a misfit
trapped on the Island of Misfit Toys

because no one wants to play with you,

but you don't even want
to play with yourself.

You're too gay
to belong to a straight world,

too strange and self-hating
to belong to a gay world.
So you engross yourself
in the Women's Movement
just enough to feel
perfectly out of place.

A sadomasochist in search of vanilla,
you long for a quiet escape.
Yet sigh at the impending boredom of it all.

But at least you can dream.
And so you do.
Through the bottom
of an empty cocktail glass
or the smoke of your last cigarette.

You dream of far away.
Of the bracing cold
followed by the sting of the sun,
knowing you only need
look down the barrel,
pull the trigger,
and go.

But you're too alive
to belong to a dead world.
So you just go on being

a misfit.


  1. dear uncle beefy
    what a story , and inspiration to myself and hopefully others.
    keep the faith, and be strong and be well.

  2. thank you for posting your story. thank you for being strong enough to do so and for standing up for what you believe in. nothing is more inspiring than that which should be so simple, yet isn't.


  3. Darling Uncle B

    Your story brought tears to my eyes, made me incredibly angry and also so very grateful to Harold and Corey. I truly hope you have now found the peace and love that you deserve.

    Maybe soon we can get the state sanctioned bullying to end as well...

    Much love

    Paola xx

    PS. FWIW, I think you'd be the most awesome father

    PPS. Maybe you should just move to the UK, get married and wear tweed all day...

    PPPS. Gosh you're brave...

  4. You are such a strong man and I thank you for sharing your world with all of us. I send warm hugs and loving thoughts your way because that's what you bring to all of us. And I adore you even more for speaking out for what you believe in and being so open!

  5. How incredible that you should become the amazing person you so obviously are. No one should be subject to the abuse that you had to suffer - my heart was aching as I read. BUT I am so glad that you decided to write this. I'm sure that all your readers will be equally supportive, but if not, that is their loss.
    Jan x

  6. dear uncle beefy,

    this post made me think of paulo friere's saying that to speak a true word is to transform the world. speaking those words and owning them is rarely easy. i can only imagine how difficult this must have been for you to write (let alone live). it was wrenching to read, but i hope many, many people do. many of my friends from more liberal areas of the country are simply unaware of the depth of hatred and fear and bullying so many gay, lesbian, and transgender people face growing up in conservative parts of the country. in high school, i watched a dear friend be bullied into a clinical depression, under the eyes of unsympathetic teachers and administrators who felt everything coming too him was his own fault. This happens. It still happens ... even though things are slowly getting better.

    So thank you for this. It reminds me that there is still a lot of fighting to do until we get to a world where every kid can grow up happy and safe being who they are.



  7. dear beefy, wow, what a story, i was moved to tears early on and they kept flowing the rest of the way.

    how eloquently you write about such extremely difficult times in your life. you are so very brave, you are so very strong. i am SO happy to be here to read this, to know you, even if only via the "intertube."

    i cannot fathom how people can foster so much hate in their hearts and that too often brings tears to my eyes, quite often on a daily basis.

    wednesday was bittersweet, i was proud on one hand and saddened on the other. it makes my heart literally ache to read the hurtful, ignorant and hate filled comments that i have seen run rampant during this election and still today.

    my one hope is that those people who foster awful things in their heart will be spoken to by their God, by the universe, by whatever it is that can open their ear and their hearts and teach them to Love. oh how happy they would find they could be.

    a thousand hugs to you my friend. xoxoxo

  8. I've wiped the tears from my eyes and I've said thank you to Harold and Corey. I suspected this was the cause of your "wrestlessness" when you hinted at it in one of your posts. My husband and I were so proud of our country last week and of our state being blue. We were so disheartened, though, when our same state couldn't see what is right. I don't pretend to have ever walked a day that resembles any of yours, but I am thankful that you are stronger than you know. I will pray that you continue to be strong, but I will also pray for all of those that caused you pain so that they shift to letting others be themselves. A shift that keeps us moving forward.

    love, jae xx

  9. courage...
    ultimate belief in oneself...
    loving, caring heart and soul...
    all around wonderful human being.

    your story brought a tear to my eye, but in the end, it brought a smile to my face. thank you for sharing such a personal story.


  10. Beefy, Beefy... This must have been a difficult post to write, but it is expressed deeply and movingly.

    Stories like yours will hopefully wake some people (if only a few) from their dogmatic slumbers.

    You're utterly beautiful. And brave. And there's nothing but love coming at you. I hope you feel it!

  11. I am so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing your story. You are such an inspiration to others now - your talent and your spirit. <3

  12. I read your post on Friday and needed to come back. I am in California and have been marching in different rallys. I really feel that it has been two steps forward, and then an enormous step back. I am shocked, as I work in the entertainment industry that Melissa Etheridge is the only "celebrity" that has spoken out about any of this.
    On another note, I am all for bloggers being as real as they can be.

  13. beefy, you will be an amazing father.

  14. I'm so glad I have you in my life! You are so amazing & I love you to pieces!!!!- Sarah

  15. my dearest uncle are one person with enough guts to tell this story!!! i admire your courage in speaking up, your experiences are shared by millions of gays all around the world...sad but true!!! i hear stories similar to yours on almost daily basis, and it breaks my heart... the cruelty and mockings are endless, yet all these people takes what magical and splendid things that are produced by gays for granted!!! leave them with no creativity, fabulous fashion, lovely movies, fancy life style or simply all the beautiful qualities found in a gay men, and see how this world can survive!!!! once again, uncle're a gem and you better believe that!!!! :)
    much love

  16. Thank you for sharing your story uncle Beefy, for being so brave, and for being you! Continue to keep the faith, friend. *hugs*

  17. Thank you for sharing this beautiful and inspiring story. I wanted to comment as somebody from, what you may see as, the other side. I would be lying if I didn't admit that my religious beliefs and values are such that marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman (and as much as you may hate me for this, I voted yes on prop102 in Arizona for that very reason). However, I do believe that gays should be allowed to have civil unions with every right and privilege that married couples enjoy (and the proposition wasn't about that).

    I truly enjoyed reading this and trying to understand your heartache - though I suppose I could never really know what it must be like. It breaks my heart that people can be so cruel.

    In the end, I think everything just comes down to love. And God truly loves ALL of us, no matter what!... I'm glad you were able to realize that. Oh and thank heavens for the angels on earth that surround us.

    I love your blog - thank you for being you, and for inspiring me all the time.

  18. This was beautiful and thank you for sharing it. And thank God for Harold & Corey. I'm so sorry you had to go through such heartache for so long, and that backward people in our country are still able to put up so many obstacles to prevent those who are not "like them" from having a happy life. I will be thinking of you when I am at this with my friends on Saturday:

  19. I know it has already been said but thank God for Harold and Corey and more importantly, thank God for you Uncle B. You are a bright light in what can be a dark world. So much more to say but will leave it at that for now.
    Peace & Love,

  20. your post moved me to tears!!! i have dedicated a very special post in regards to you, just a little reminder :) hope you are well!!!

  21. thank you for sharing this...
    my boyfriend and i opened a bottle of champagne when obama won.
    we fell back down the ladder the next morning when we found out that prop 8 passed.
    i'm sad that i'm going to have to explain to my nine month old daughter one day the story of how my state let me down when she gets older and asks about the pictures of her in front of 'no on prop 8' signs and wants to know what that meant.
    and your story.
    i'm glad you're still here to tell it.
    it needs to be told.

  22. First, thanks for a great blog. I subscribe to your posts and I’m a big fan, though I haven’t come on and commented before now.

    I felt such a relief to read about your friends Harold and Cory, as everyone’s said, thank God there was someone to show you how valuable you are at that dark time. I can’t help notice your tone is gracious and composed as you share these stories. I’m so grateful you did. I’m sick about this issue. And I don’t want to hear any more from lobbies on either side, I just need right now to hear real people—caring, honest people. So thank you. I’m live in Cali. and I’m LDS (Mormon). I want so much to tell you more about my story and how I’ve felt but I don’t want to take away from your great post. Thank you again.

  23. Wow. Obviously from all the responses here, your choice to share your personal stuff was the right one. There are still inequalities in this country of ours and we all have to fight against them. Thank you for the reminder of what still needs to be accomplished.

  24. Dearest Beefy,

    Although we haven't yet meet, somehow I feel as I'm sure others here do ... that I somehow know you. In fact, in many ways reading your recent post I do know you in someways better than close friends. You've offered a glimpse or should I say loving gaze into a raw passionate soul, you present a truth that can only be told by weathered emotions, a stoic nature and years of pain nurtured by memories. From experience it is never easy to share or express truth, as a moment for one person can be different memories for many. You're someone who curates the beautiful, sublime & aesthetic in all aspects of life, living & art. We also have the ability to experience the depth & display of sorrow, hatred & disgust that are also created by those around us. Thank you for telling your story, although sharp & jagged it is translucent, your alluring verity shines.

    A note of confidence, warmest regards - Christine

  25. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know you are an inspiration for many people! I was saddened by the prop 8 that was passed and am praying that it might be overturned.

  26. darling uncle b,

    it's 1:30 a.m. and i just read your post. i'm sitting here weeping and so angry at the ignorance and fear that drove people to hurt someone a lovely as you. everyday i am amazed and inspired by the joy and beauty you share with all of us. i am moved by your strength and touched by your openness.

    corey and harold are true angels. but, please know, your are also an angel to all whose lives you have enriched with your story. we will carry your spirit with us and share it with our friends, family, and children. one by one, we'll make this world a more loving place.

    to be blessed with your courage is a true gift.

    you will be an amazing father.

    love you,

  27. With courage you wrote and shared this and with the greatest amount of love and respect i thank you for it.

    You rock.

  28. I know the struggle of trying to be yourself when yourself is someone everyone is making fun of. Congratulations on embracing yourself and becoming strong. I am friends with a gay couple and I stand with you for the rights that you ought not be denied. I will stand up and clap when the US realizes that *nobody* has the right to deny you your rights.

  29. Thank-you for this, Uncle B.

    Telling the truth about your life and letting us read your story is a great gift.

    Like you, I don't go out of my way to announce I am queer on either of my blogs. It's only one part of who I am and not actually as important as my identity as an artist, a thinker, a friend. But because I don't choose who to love based on gender, I also don't find much acceptance in either the queer or straight communities.

    I look forward to the day the civil rights movement finishes it's work and all of us are equal under law, all of us are viewed as normal by the majority and all of us feel free.


  30. I'm so sorry for the hard times in your past and I thank you for sharing your story because I think it might well help people and open some eyes.

    I simply do not understand how people can be against gay marriage and equal rights for all citizens in general. I just don't get it. Why would you spend energy and lots of money to deny two people in love the right to be together? Get a life! Live and let live.

    You are an amazing person.

  31. I am so sorry for what all of those people put you through. And I am immensely overjoyed and hopeful that you chose to find healing and love for yourself. This is the story of what it looks like when a man is raised from the dead.

  32. beefy - what a beautiful story & much like paola, i'm sitting here with tears in my eyes. thank you for sharing.

    love love love.

  33. Bittersweet is certainly the way to describe this election. It brings up so much emotion in many of us, so THANK YOU for making it so clear as to why I feel hope and disappointment. My cousin is marrying her girlfriend next month in Oakland. It's a wonderful time to celebrate their relationship, and yet I feel generally mad.

    If I had gone to school with you, I would have popped those Todds in the face, hard. I love you Uncle Beefy.

  34. My Lovely B,

    I am thrilled that you shared your story. Your willingness to be so honest will prove to have a great impact, and is well worth the considerable personal risk you have taken.

    As someone who has the privilege of knowing you well, I can confirm the obvious: you were born with this expansive, generous, kind and loving heart and you are truly a gift to those who are fortunate enough to meet you.

    You are meant to be a father, and you will raise your children to be the kind of people this world needs.

    You lived through a daily hell that many of us could not fathom. And you were able to not just survive but conquer this dark period and become the beautiful and authentic human being that you are.

    I am proud to call you friend.

  35. Hey, did you catch the "Special Comment" on Keith Olbermann last night? He talked specifically about Prop 8 in CA. You should check it out, I think he nailed it on the head when it comes to marriage rights.

  36. Thanks for sharing! I'm deeply moved by your story. Very hard for me to understand why things are the way they are:(
    I really hope that within my lifetime it will all be behind us.
    You are great!

  37. Thank you for posting your story. It was incredibly courageous, inspirational and eloquently written. I too felt as though the country took a step back when I heard of the decisions of certain states. If you have made even one person more tolerable through your story, it is a bold step in the right direction. I admire your bravery and know that you would be an amazing, loving father.

  38. Thank you so much for sharing this story with all of us Bradford.
    It takes a very strong man to do this, so be very proud of yourself.
    A big hug from NYC.

  39. B-
    Where to begin? You've shared so much, and I can't imagine how much courage that took. Something else I can't imagine? You not being a part of my now daily routine, so to speak. Isn't that strange? I've only just met you a few months ago, and yet I look forward every day to your posts, and to your comments on my posts... to the point that Paul actually asks me, "What did Uncle Beefy have to say?"
    I truly think that there are lots of little angels put on this earth to save us or support us or just point out the things we might be overlooking. And, in some small way, you have been that for me. You're definitely Fergus's angel, that's for sure;) I'm so thankful to Harold and Corey for being your angels. You're a true example of "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger." Thank you for being you:)

  40. My dearest "U.B.",

    You know that I (and everyone here at Ruby Press) is with you 100%. I felt the same way about the recent rulings- it made me sick that the joy of Obama winning on election night couldn't be a completely joyous occasion for me. A very large part of me was really ill. Seeing your society take one step in the right direction and one in the wrong was so sad. Our blog, like yours, typically focuses on the light, the frivolous, the fun, but like you, I felt like I had to say something. Only you said it in such a powerful way that will hopefully make people stop and think. I adore you!

  41. oh.

    now this is one of those moments when i wish my imaginary friends lived right. next. door.

    this was a gift to the world, for sure. thank you from the bottom of my broken heart.


  42. I don't know if I've ever commented here before, but thank you for speaking out. Your story is important, not only for those of us reading your story now, but for those with children--to let them know the importance of instilling respect and love. It's a shame so many of your peers weren't taught the same morals, or your life would've been so much easier. It's also a shame that you, who displays such strength and empathy for others, is discriminated against in the name of so-called morality.

    Kids called me names, too, and I grew up also sitting in the art room for lunch. I had my ass grabbed in the hallway, boys call me lesbian, kids taunt my weight--and no one I felt comfortable going to for help. I think speaking out and letting others know that sort of behavior is unacceptable both in the schools and in the political sector is a hugely brave first step. I applaud you for it, and I applaud you for being honest with the world about who you are.

    One day we'll get to the point of mutual respect, honoring the honest, and loving each other.

  43. Dear Bfy,

    You'll always be a dandy dandy to me.

    My first friendship with a gay man was with my fellow first grade friend Jayson when we were both 6. He always had more style than I ever will and taught me sensitivity and tolerance towards all early on. He was kind, considerate, well spoken, well dressed and really in a category that far surpassed all of the rest of us.

    I cannot wrap my head around the abortion standpoints that these same people argue. If you are a person at conception--why does the government stop caring about you they day you are born? I think that love and community are the answers. We will never get anywhere without lifting up each other. Everyone has love and deserves the right to give it.

    Good on you.

  44. Holy shit. I am in tears. You are a beautiful person, and though I barely know you, I love you.

  45. Thank you for this wonderful story. It should be required reading. You're such a compassionate person, I'm glad you're here.

  46. I rarely comment on the blogs that I read but your story is an important one. I am an art teacher who uses my room as a refuge for the "misfits." I speak out daily against this sort of discrimination and I make the guilty write out sections about human rights so that they understand. I wish more people were not afraid to do the right thing - you never know when the support you give another human being will reaffirm his or her desire to live.

    Your story would really help youth that are struggling. I would encourage you to find a place to share it with some young people.

    Take care.

  47. Much love to you Bradford.

    So much courage.

  48. Uncle B

    I've known you all these years, and never knew your story at this level. Thank you so much for sharing it.

    I feel so honored to know you outside the blogosphere, and I too, thank those guardian angles for coaxing you away from that bridge! I love you!


  49. I love you so much.

    You bring so much color to the world and a voice to so many who cannot speak. Your bravory is admired.

    I am proud of you and will stand with you through legislations, laws, love, loss and life. You are my friend...and I am a better person because of that. You are EXTRAORDINARY!

    xo, Georgina

  50. Oh my, look at this outpouring of love and support. It warms the cockles of my Marrakech heart.

    I am so very sorry that people have been so crappy, mean, inconsiderate, ignorant, scared, and pathetic. It's just sucky. What I just don't get is, why do they care? You are not taking anything from them. In a world that is confused and often sad, we should be supporting love, where ever it can be found. Because in the end that's all that really matters.

    Warmest wishes from me to you.

    PS And may I just add that the godfathers to my children are gay and I can't think of fitter people for the role.

  51. Thank you for sharing your story with us all, for sharing you.
    "I'm not interested in sharing my DNA as much as I am interested in sharing my heart. Period" - so beautifully put, so why on earth should you be denied?

  52. One more comment!
    I was so happy to see that you kept God in your life, knowing that He never turns his back on us! If anyone knows what it is like to be mocked in a crowd...He does.
    I hope you will always have peace that passes understanding :)

  53. Hi Kids, your Uncle here. Wow! So I know I've left a couple of posts indicating my thanks and appreciation for ALL of your comments (!!!) But in case you haven't swung around in the last few days or subscribed to the follow-up comments...let me just say once again how much I appreciate all the warmth and generosity of spirit that has been expressed here. You've all been so thoughtful, warm and heartfelt and I feel as equally touched by your words.

    What can I say but thank you, thank you, thank you! Y'all are the know that right?

    Smiles across the miles being sent your way! :)

  54. Uncle B! thanks you so much for your story. I'm just catching up on your blog and was very moved by this post. I've known you all these years and never knew this story. I love you lots!

  55. WOW. I don't know what to say. Thank you for being so open and honest about what you have experienced in your life-- I'm sure your story could help a lot of people get through similar horrors. You are so so loved here in this blogging community, and I'm so thankful that we're not all exactly the same, because how boring would that be?! Your story just made my heart break, but I'm really so glad you shared it. THANK YOU. You are a true inspiration. :)

  56. thank you for sharing. wow. sad, mad, incredulous (yet not). I'm glad you're here!

  57. uncle heart is breaking. thank you for sharing this. you are a treasure...

  58. Dear Uncle B, Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is so important for people to know about the cruelty and ignorance in the world, may it make us all stronger so we can stand up for ourselves and for others who are oppressed. You have so much to give and I am grateful for your expression and courage. XXXOOO, Laura

  59. just found you and i love you in fort collins

  60. Hey Uncle Beefy-- this is Melissa from RubyPr's sister! She told me I would love your blog and I do! Just wanted to say you seem like an amazingly strong guy and those stories really broke my heart--it is like something out of a movie---I think you are great for posting it so honestly :)

  61. beefy,
    this is my first time on your blog and i am taken aback by this story. That is terrible that this happened to you as a child and I am sure still some today. Look at you now though... fancy pants and all with a slew of followers that seem to love you! (i don't even know you but i felt like it was appropriate) Thank you for posting this, it's good to have people think twice about their actions.


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