July 21, 2008

You sure you wanna eat that corn dog before gettin' on this thing?

From here.

Hello, Kids. Yes...I'm back. Sort of. I know that some of you were hoping for some "before" and "after" shots of the painting project. In time, Kids. This is a big task and showing you anything now would be like watching a makeover show where the "after" shot is a woman in her underwear, hair teased beyond measure, and no makeup. Not very thrilling or inspiring.

Kendall has been gone on a business trip for 11 days now. Most of this time has been spent by myself with a paint can or a wistful look. What I have realized at this point is that leaving me alone with my thoughts for any extended period of time amounts to something of a carnival ride. You know...the kind where you can buy a videotape of you screaming yourself to death while little drops of "piddle" emerge from your side of the seat? Yeah, that's what my head has been like this week. One moment it's like my brain is on Oprah and the next, Scare Tactics. Basically, if there were a sign perched next to my head it would read "You have to be this crazy to ride this ride!" (And there would probably be a painted caricature of Phyllis Diller on it. You know...for some added flair!)

The time has come to start putting together my resume and seeking employment. Fast. There are some prospects out there and that is of some relief. However, I am also looking at making a leap out of the food service industry (once and for all!!!) and into something else altogether new. Friends are very encouraging and have offered advice about what kind of resume to send to what kind of job, etc. But when they're working at Microsoft or Amazon and the only type of job you've ever held involves really nothing more than "asking for an application", putting together "various types of resumes" is like saying, "Hey, why not apply for the presidency of France?!" This is a language I don't speak with any degree of fluency. Do I think I lack skills at making the leap? Um, no. But it's the selling yourself on paper that's the tricky part. And I want to be certain that any reading between the lines has been done...by me.

I've been trying to take the higher road by calming myself, centering on my breath, and looking within to seek guidance. But it is of little help when whatever question you ask yourself always comes back with contradictory answers...at the same time. "YeNso!" That's crazy speak for "yes" & "no" combined. Or as far as I'm concerned the devil's mind-baby. Every once in a while I'll catch myself referring to "me" as "we"...and now I really know why! Sybil got nothin' on me!

While I think about the idea of doing some type of business of my own I have come to the firm conclusion that now is not the optimal time. At least I don't think so...let me ask my breath...oh nevermind! Whatever I would do in terms of tapping into my entrepreneurial side would have to be artistic and creative. And I think to do that effectively I need to get back into the creative process sans the financial pressures. When you're trying to create from a space of desperation that is when you're more inclined to make unnecessary compromises in your artistic expression. When you stand back from something you've done and say, "What the hell just happened here?!", that's a pretty good sign that it's time to center yourself. Breathe, Beefy...breathe. (Just don't ask any questions!)

You're as confused as I am right now, aren't you? I know, gentle reader...I know. But I am trying to be a bit more grown up about this whole thing. And the thoughts of paying my bills without handouts or fits of trying to figure out what the hell I can do with all that glitter are providing me with a certain sense of relief that I simply cannot ignore. I just have to take things one step at a time and that is sssssooooo not my forte! Like I said to Kristine the other day, "...it's about A to B, not A to Z." Will I listen? Who can say? My therapist probably...if I had one.


  1. I think its definitly time for you to take the leap (Reading the line; getting out of food service industry once and for all kind of made that clear ;-)) I've just done it, and are now able to work with both something I'm passionate about, and something that will bring food to the table for three hungry Rottweilers hihi Anyway, my advice is be honest, and open. Everyone can do the "perfect" resyme and application with guidance and help, but I think people actually are starting to appriciate true people. So write a professional application, but don't get to hanged up in all the advice out there, and let your good and true personality shine through. And if there are somethings to be read between the lines, who cares, we all have faults, and in the end people want good people working for them, not someone who just looks good on paper. Good luck B! My fingers are crossed, and I have high hopes for you! :-)

  2. I second what Monica said! I feel your pain about wanting to do something you're passionate about(I'm not there yet and hope that one say I will be) that just happens to be much different from what your employment history indicates.

    It's so hard to break out of what you (and other people) think you should do and actually make a living from something else that you love. Because, hell, we've got bills to pay! Most of use don't have the luxury of taking 20 steps back on the payscale and starting at something from square one.

    So, while I don't have any advice other than to hustle and network and show your true self (because that gleam may just spark Someone Who Can Help to give you a chance) and it should all come together. :)

  3. Yea! You're back....missed you. Now seriously, I know that it won't be long that you look back on this time and see it differently than you do now. Be true to yourself and it will work out. Change can be a real....well, you know. However, change is good!

  4. Wishing you the best in all your endeavours! You are such a talented, vibrant guy and that will shine through. Confidence.


Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I always appreciate your thoughts. Your comment will appear as soon as I can publish it.

p.s. - Contrary opinions or constructive criticism are also fine but "The Bedlam" doesnt' serve as a platform for random (or anonymous) acts of offensiveness. Rude? Deleted.