Somewhere...

Hi, Kids. Uhh, boy...today does feel something like a Monday. Yes, for sure it feels like Monday. Maybe it's the weather as the overcast skies are taking something of a toll on me. But, things have been in flux for me lately. Changes in life, work, home, and thought patterns (and that is always in some state of fluctuation).

I know you typically find me posting on fun, fashion, design, etc. And that was one of my main intentions in starting this blog. I really wanted to stay away from anything "rant" oriented and try to focus, as much as possible, on more positive and inspiring topics. And while I may not typically present anything deep from a spiritual perspective, I think something that even superficially brings a little smile to the day has worth.

That said, however, I also have the perspective that this is a personal blog. And nothing "personal" is ever without its flaws or humanity. And today, I feel flawed and oh so human. And I feel it is important that you see not just the cleaner and shinier version of me here but know that there are those cracks and crevices as well.

You see, after a relatively grueling schedule over the last three months my job has now come to an end. No, I didn't do anything...they simply closed the business. So I am, once again, in a place where I have found myself before. On a precipice. Looking up, down, around and feeling trepidation at making a move. On the one hand, I "should" do the "logical" thing and find another job or, on the other hand, venture into my own thing again. But what will either of those things bring? I can tell you right now they both share in common the traits of fear and anxiety.

I have worked in the hospitality industry for many years...and I am good at it...damn good. But what people often seem to assume is that because I am good at it, I am also happy or fulfilled in the process. This simply isn't true. It was at one time but those notes simply don't ring in tune as much as they once did. Somewhere inside there exists something else that wants to rise to the occasion. Truthfully, I can't say I know exactly what it is but it's there...oh yeah, and it's grumbling. And, laying the cards on the table, I am kind of afraid of that grumbling. That's a lie...I am afraid...period.

I am vacillating between what is practical and what is inspired between enthusiasm and gut-aching avoidance. I have tried things in the past with some success and some failure. And the failure always looms largest. Why is this? And why do so many of us do this to ourselves? I keep hearing the old adage, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." But something about my mindset doesn't really allow for that but rather cautions me toward something safer and more predictable. Boring.

Is this something specific to the creative mindset? Have all of us artistic/aesthetic types been sold a bill of goods that leads us to believe that the creative life must be hard and full of suffering? Or, perhaps worse, easy and fruitful...if only you're lucky or talented enough? And in a day and age where creating our own rules is easier than ever...why are so many of us trying to follow the old ones?

So what about you? Where might you be in all of this? Any thoughts to share about your personal process? Moving through fear? Finding your passion/s? Are you still seeking "it" or do you think you might just have found your "pot o' gold"?

Well, well, well...amazing how things show up.
Miss Julia pointed me in this direction.
And Victoria had this great post to share.