Blank Slate

So, y'know how I took some time off a few weeks ago? Just wasn't feelin' it? Well, there have been some aspects of my life weighing heavily on me as of late. Don't worry... I'm past the "pity party" stage at this point, Kids, so you should be fine. But, I've felt restless, anxious, and, as is typical with me, worried. About career, money, family, aging parents, health, etc., etc.

All of this has me looking at things a bit differently. Trying to come at things with fresh eyes or fresh perspectives. I don't know. It just has me thinking more about what's important and that this life we're given is all too short and fleeting. Not in a morbid way but in that, "What the hell am I doing?!!" kinda way. Do you know what I mean? It has me thinking more deeply about the choices I'm making for myself and what I'd like to see be a part of my life... or not a part of my life. People, places, things, jobs, food, home... (again) etc., etc. It has me thinking about authenticity.

Okay, y'all know I love me the blogosphere. It can be a fabulous place full of fabulous people. But, as I will find the topic of conversation when I get amongst a gaggle of bloggers, it can really work a number on your sense of self. Everything can appear so polished and so put together that you leave a plate in the sink and suddenly you're feeling a little "less than". I mean, ultimately we make those choices but it does make me consider part of the artifice that can become all too tempting when blogging. And, I kinda wanna bust through that a bit here.

Kids, I really try and keep things on the positive and clean side here at The Bedlam and, lord knows, I clearly love me some pretty, pretty a good portion of the time. But, behind the scenes, I'm working with popcorn ceilings and a serious potty-mouth. Don't get me wrong... I for one appreciate the art of editing. And, believe me, right now you do too. Trust me. But I'm also sensing a personal need to be a bit more forthcoming.

I sit here for hours every single day sifting through emails, phone calls, blog posts, websites... working to bring together a post or two for your perusing enjoyment. Afterward, I'll usually guzzle some kind of lunch, head off to work, come home, late dinner, hour of some TV, sleep... repeat. Meanwhile, I'm scraping together the means to pay bills and wishing I had "that house", "that job", "that life". The reality is I'd probably spend a little less time wishing if I spent a little more time doing. I say that but don't really know what "doing" would mean...??? But I'd really like to find out.

Y'see that photo up above? A bunch of blank pages surrounded by a cacophony of clutter? That's pretty much a visual metaphor for your Uncle. I have tried on SO many hats in my life but still find myself a blank slate. Part of that comes from spending too much time being a beefy-of-all-trades-master-of-none, part from your everyday creative a.d.d., and part from spending way too much time trying to be what you think will make you rich, popular, praised, and/or liked (preferably a full-meal-deal combo). But enough with all of that I say! I mean, I'd be lying if I said I was completely beyond the aforementioned temptations but I am tired of them. I'm tired of a lot of things, frankly. And now I want to do something about them.

What does that mean exactly? Hell if I know?!! But I will, for now, be spending a bit less time blogging and a bit more time doing, well, something. No lofty plans at the moment and no high-horse pontifications to brow beat you with, Kids. Just a guy who's looking to be a little more himself and needing to make a little more time to figure that out. But the top hat stays!

I'll see ya' around, Kids.

p.s. - Kids... to clarify... I'll still be blogging just not as much for a while. That's all. Okay? I ain't takin' the saddle off the horse just yet! So stick around.. ya' here?