Hello, Kids. Yes...I'm back. Sort of. I know that some of you were hoping for some "before" and "after" shots of the painting project. In time, Kids. This is a big task and showing you anything now would be like watching a makeover show where the "after" shot is a woman in her underwear, hair teased beyond measure, and no makeup. Not very thrilling or inspiring.
Kendall has been gone on a business trip for 11 days now. Most of this time has been spent by myself with a paint can or a wistful look. What I have realized at this point is that leaving me alone with my thoughts for any extended period of time amounts to something of a carnival ride. You know...the kind where you can buy a videotape of you screaming yourself to death while little drops of "piddle" emerge from your side of the seat? Yeah, that's what my head has been like this week. One moment it's like my brain is on
Oprah and the next,
Scare Tactics. Basically, if there were a sign perched next to my head it would read "You have to be this crazy to ride this ride!" (And there would probably be a painted caricature of
Phyllis Diller on it. You know...for some added flair!)
The time has come to start putting together my resume and seeking employment. Fast. There are some prospects out there and that is of some relief. However, I am also looking at making a leap out of the food service industry (once and for all!!!) and into something else altogether new. Friends are very encouraging and have offered advice about what kind of resume to send to what kind of job, etc. But when they're working at Microsoft or Amazon and the only type of job you've ever held involves really nothing more than "asking for an application", putting together "various types of resumes" is like saying, "Hey, why not apply for the presidency of France?!" This is a language I don't speak with any degree of fluency. Do I think I lack skills at making the leap? Um, no. But it's the selling yourself on paper that's the tricky part. And I want to be certain that any reading between the lines has been done...by me.
I've been trying to take the higher road by calming myself, centering on my breath, and looking within to seek guidance. But it is of little help when whatever question you ask yourself always comes back with contradictory answers...
at the same time. "
YeNso!" That's crazy speak for "yes" & "no" combined. Or as far as I'm concerned the devil's mind-baby. Every once in a while I'll catch myself referring to "me" as "we"...and now I
really know why!
Sybil got nothin' on me!
While I think about the idea of doing some type of business of my own I have come to the firm conclusion that now is not the optimal time. At least I don't think so...let me ask my breath...oh nevermind! Whatever I would do in terms of tapping into my entrepreneurial side would have to be artistic and creative. And I think to do that effectively I need to get back into the creative process sans the financial pressures. When you're trying to create from a space of desperation that is when you're more inclined to make unnecessary compromises in your artistic expression. When you stand back from something you've done and say, "What the hell just happened here?!", that's a pretty good sign that it's time to center yourself. Breathe, Beefy...breathe. (Just don't ask any questions!)
You're as confused as I am right now, aren't you? I know, gentle reader...I know. But I am trying to be a bit more grown up about this whole thing. And the thoughts of paying my bills without handouts or fits of trying to figure out what the hell I can do with all that glitter are providing me with a certain sense of relief that I simply cannot ignore. I just have to take things one step at a time and that is sssssooooo not my forte! Like I said to Kristine the other day, "...it's about A to B, not A to Z." Will I listen? Who can say? My therapist probably...if I had one.
